By: Isolina Ricci, PhD
This book is essential when trying to navigate post-divorce parenting. How can you learn to team up with a partner that you have just spent a ton of energy separating from? Is it possible?
You may think that others make it look so easy but you and your ex could never successfully work as a team post-divorce. There was too much said or too much hurt caused. You may even think that you’d like to simply never talk to them again. You may think that the pick-ups and drop-offs are as much as you can handle.
I often hear from parents who have gone through difficult divorces talk about feeling like they couldn’t ever see themselves working well with their ex and that there is a lot of shame or guilt connected to that. In turn, that guilt increases the resentment they hold towards their partners. But what I also hear is that the love they have for their children actually outweighs the frustrations and resentments they hold for their ex. I also hear that it becomes easier over time, and that with practice and boundaries and guidance, it can be done well.
Normalizing the difficulties inherent in co-parenting is essential. Once we get past the fact that most parents post-divorce have very low expectations of being able to smoothly interact with each other, we can then start to take action and just get on with creating a routine.
Mom’s House, Dad’s House For Kids written by Isolina Ricci based on the Groundbreaking Classic Mom’s House, Dad’s House will be that resource that puts you at ease and helps you keep perspective. Reading the version for kids, instantly places the focus on what your kids are going through and often inspires motivation to act in an emotionally mature way. When the kids are at the center, parents often find themselves acting as superhumans. When the resentments are at the center, justifications of why one is acting immaturely are at an all-time high.
This book will assist the newly-divorced parents in placing themselves in service of the children and helping them navigate the vulnerable time ahead. The myth is that divorce is worse than staying together. This book helps to highlight ways that connecting with your children post-divorce can be more meaningful than staying together ever could have been.
There are written exercises and lessons, web resources, talking points, basic and advanced help available. Also, you can offer the same book to your spouse so that you are both on the same page, using common language and sharing something together that will start the next chapter of your relationship.
It is a new version of “family” and you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to stay quiet - many families all over the world are going through the same thing. There is no shame in this and speaking about it fosters healing. Help your children learn by modeling how you both walk through the transition into co-parenting.